Decisions, decisions

So was wondering again today whether the timing really is right for this Mozambique thing. I feel pushed forward by this desire to escape and know that is not the right reason to go. I am called though right. I have next to me a teaching cd by a guy called Paul Milligan entitled "Doing whats in your hand." The blurb on the back says "In this teaching you will discover how doing what is in your hand will lead you to what is in your heart. Learn God's balance between your purpose and calling and how to avoid despising what's in your hand." Is that what I'm doing, despising whats in my hand? The fact is I been feeling disatisfied with my life here for quite a while now. I crave for something more. Purpose, creativity, fulfilment.
I will give the cd a go. Let you know how it gets on. Not sure that anyone even reads this....

Fluey - not of the swine variety

I feel rubbish. Headache, cough, sore throat. Went on the NHS website to fill out their swine flu questionairre (I'm not a Hypochondriac honestly!) I went for worst case scenario just to see what happened. When I checked the box that said I have a headache so bad I can't do any stuff the next page told me to dial 999 and call an ambulance straight away. I went back and changed my answer. (After all I my headaches not so bad I can't write this blog!) The best it could come up with was sinusitis. Fair enough. I may go to the doctors tomorrow if I still feel the same. Am 30 in two days!! Agggh!

A sneaky new entry.

It pains me that I haven't been writing recently. This blog was a monumental failure having only written one entry the entire time I was in Mozambique. Today I decided to resurrect it while still in my dressing gown at 1'o clock. I have been in England now since the end of August last year. In some ways it was a relief to get back. Mozambique was hard, harder than I expected. But now England has started to get hard. I have worked only two weeks since I returned and i have been lacking something, purpose I think. 

I got back from Albania a week ago. Lots of people were excited about coming home. I wasn't. I loved Albania, felt alive there. The question came up while I was out there: What am I called to? Then during a sleepless night at about 4am a few days ago I felt like the answer might have come. Iris ministries. Maybe that was the logical next step. I have known for a while God has been calling me to mission. I even felt he specifically said Iris ministries to me. But up until the last few days I had felt that it was something maybe a few years down the line. 

I read through iris' long term bumpf. I had already completed several of the steps by doing the mission school. i dropped them an email the other day and am waiting to hear back from them. Why not now I am thinking. Why not? Of course it scares the life out of me, I don't know if I'm ready, but am I called? thats the important question. If I am then I need to begin to get ready!