Decisions, decisions

So was wondering again today whether the timing really is right for this Mozambique thing. I feel pushed forward by this desire to escape and know that is not the right reason to go. I am called though right. I have next to me a teaching cd by a guy called Paul Milligan entitled "Doing whats in your hand." The blurb on the back says "In this teaching you will discover how doing what is in your hand will lead you to what is in your heart. Learn God's balance between your purpose and calling and how to avoid despising what's in your hand." Is that what I'm doing, despising whats in my hand? The fact is I been feeling disatisfied with my life here for quite a while now. I crave for something more. Purpose, creativity, fulfilment.
I will give the cd a go. Let you know how it gets on. Not sure that anyone even reads this....

Fluey - not of the swine variety

I feel rubbish. Headache, cough, sore throat. Went on the NHS website to fill out their swine flu questionairre (I'm not a Hypochondriac honestly!) I went for worst case scenario just to see what happened. When I checked the box that said I have a headache so bad I can't do any stuff the next page told me to dial 999 and call an ambulance straight away. I went back and changed my answer. (After all I my headaches not so bad I can't write this blog!) The best it could come up with was sinusitis. Fair enough. I may go to the doctors tomorrow if I still feel the same. Am 30 in two days!! Agggh!

A sneaky new entry.

It pains me that I haven't been writing recently. This blog was a monumental failure having only written one entry the entire time I was in Mozambique. Today I decided to resurrect it while still in my dressing gown at 1'o clock. I have been in England now since the end of August last year. In some ways it was a relief to get back. Mozambique was hard, harder than I expected. But now England has started to get hard. I have worked only two weeks since I returned and i have been lacking something, purpose I think. 

I got back from Albania a week ago. Lots of people were excited about coming home. I wasn't. I loved Albania, felt alive there. The question came up while I was out there: What am I called to? Then during a sleepless night at about 4am a few days ago I felt like the answer might have come. Iris ministries. Maybe that was the logical next step. I have known for a while God has been calling me to mission. I even felt he specifically said Iris ministries to me. But up until the last few days I had felt that it was something maybe a few years down the line. 

I read through iris' long term bumpf. I had already completed several of the steps by doing the mission school. i dropped them an email the other day and am waiting to hear back from them. Why not now I am thinking. Why not? Of course it scares the life out of me, I don't know if I'm ready, but am I called? thats the important question. If I am then I need to begin to get ready! 

6 Weeks in

A brief update. Am in an internet cafe in Maputo. Don dropped me off while he goes and gets supplies for the base. It has been a rollercoaster time here in Mozambique. I feel it has been emotionally more challenging than last time. I got back yesterday from a two day outreach where I was the only westerner. Me, 7 Iris young men who had grown up in their childrens centre and Pastor Wingy. It was an interesting time with many healed and saved yet I found it tough and was glad to return to Boane (the base I am staying at). I think I will just about get used to being here before I have to return back to the UK. If you are reading this and are the praying kind then please do pray for me. Anyways said it was brief!!

Another slow afternoon at work. The sun shines through the automatic doors. The fax machine whirrs behind me bringing in an anonymous fax from a marketing company. Typical, mundane, 9-5. The good news is I leave in a weeks time. Jetting off to sunnier climbs, namely Mozambique.
As I sit here, a customer advisor with currently no customers to advise I reflect on a topsy -turvy year, one filled with the craziness of life. Occasionally it feels a privelidge, occasionally it feels like a slog. When I think of the 101 things that need doing before I leave for Mozambique I can't help but yearn for the slower pace of life in Africa. Did God really create us to be this busy?! It is perhaps a overstated stereotype when we talk about things like African time. But surely relationships are more important than deadlines, than tasks, than getting "the job done." It is an underlying attitude where people care more about who you are than what you do. That is part of the appeal of Africa to me, but is also something I wish we could import over here. It was a genuine shock to the system returning last year from Mozambique to a world of busyness and meetings. Feeling like I was watching from the sidelines as people rushed through their lives. Eventually of course I was sucked into the race and learned to get use to it again. Though with an underlying sense of mourning the loss of what I had experienced before. It is harder to shape culture than to be shaped by it it seems.
My hope this year is that whatever it is I learn out in Mozambique I am able to translate it into English and not lose my sanity in the process. It is usually harder coming back than going and this year things seem even more open ended than last year. The way ahead seems as unclear as ever but I will go ahead as far as I can see...

New Blog

So my old blog http://tom.missionblogs.com seems to be struggling so have decided to start a new one. A week and a half to go before going out to Mozambique again. This time with a group of 8 of us going. Once the team return I will be staying out there for a month and a half hopefully helping out at one of Iris's bases. Watch out for updates...